A context favorable to disputes
“The joy we feel at the arrival of a child tends to overshadow the difficulties that it can also bring to a relationship. We underestimate the burden that parents have when a baby is born. Even if we are overflowing with advice and recommendations from our loved ones, social networks or books on this subject, we cannot understand what it means to be a parent before having experienced it,” remarks Célina Buttin, founder of ''La Tribu Kafékouche'', manufacturer of board games around parenting.
After motherhood, everyday life will never be the same again: fatigue, new rhythms of life… A context where, very often, arguments between the two parents will explode. “Today, unlike earlier times, the arrival of a baby is most often prepared, when a couple is stable and settled. But his arrival, which is physically exhausting and emotionally overwhelming, will disrupt and sweep away this balance,” observes Célina Buttin, herself a mother of three children.
Lack of sleep is burdensome for parents, but it is not the only source of conflict. In addition to the massive appearance of daily tasks and the increasing mental load, the arrival of a child in a couple is sometimes the moment when the differences between two individuals resurface: depending on the social environment, on the way of educate your child, etc. The difference between what we idealized and reality is sometimes very big.
Allow yourself some time alone…
Moments of doubts, questions and conflicts are inevitable, but it is possible to overcome this baby clash. Every couple is different and everyone will have to find their own solutions, but fatigue is one of the common points that all new parents will experience. This is why it is essential to take time for yourself, alone, even for a short time, to recharge your batteries.
“Sleeping a night in a hotel, with parents or friends, without children or spouse and without telephone or other requests is essential. Taking 24 hours to rest and breathe can only be beneficial, because to be available in the couple and available to the other, you must have taken the time to breathe and be rested yourself above all,” recommends Célina Buttin.
Don't wait until you're on the verge of breaking down to take a break: the more tension and fatigue build up, the higher the risk of an argument. This also involves communication so as not to overwhelm the other with reproaches, but rather to identify the problems.
…and two
The couple is put to the test when a baby arrives: since a newborn requires a lot of attention, it is difficult to find time together. Célina Buttin recommends desecrating couple time to enjoy everyday moments. “We tend to think that when a couple gets together, they have to spend a weekend in a castle to relax, when in reality, spending some time together is already a lot. » Play a board game together, cook a meal, take time to talk. Simple things that will require little effort but will allow you to reconnect with others.
Find complicity
Célina Buttin also went through a parenting crisis and questioned herself about her relationship. To find complicity, she went further and created a board game, “Koléséré”. “There are 80 cards with several themes: conversation cards to remember a memory, action cards where you will have to look your partner in the eyes for 30 seconds or kiss them in three different ways for example,” explains -she.
The idea is to take advantage of simple everyday moments to breathe and spend time together in a peaceful way. “And no need to look after your child, it’s also economical! We will remember good memories and create new ones,” she adds.
If this baby clash persists, do not hesitate to turn to professionals: sexologist, psychologist, couples therapist… Family and friends will perhaps not be short of advice, but everyone's experiences are different. They will, however, be welcome to look after your baby, while they take a breather!