Berlin. Anyone who is in a toxic relationship usually suffers from it. What signs indicate this and what you can do.
To put it scientifically and in a completely unromantic way, love is an emotional state of affection. When this affection is overshadowed by devaluation, arguments and pain, it is Love most likely toxic. Read here: Physical & psychological symptoms of a toxic relationship
How do you recognize a toxic relationship and how does it differ from a healthy relationship? And how do you break up with one? toxic partner? You can find all the answers to the topic of toxic relationships here.
Toxic relationships can lead to emotional dependency. Those affected develop a so-called “traumatic bond” and are dependent on the emotional give and take of their partner.
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What is a toxic relationship?
The Oxford Dictionary has “toxic” was chosen as the word of the year 2018. The term is being used more and more in everyday life and is now searched for 45 percent more often online than in previous years, writes the science magazine “Spektrum für Wissenschaft.” The word toxic is also becoming more and more common in relation to partnerships used. Because relationships can gradually become toxic, i.e. poisonous and stressful.
Couple therapists and relationship experts use the term “toxic relationship” to mean “dysfunctional relationships” that are characterized by subtle to extreme forms of violence. These range from emotional abuse and manipulation to physical violence and abuse. It should be noted that the term “toxic relationships” is an unscientific term that is not clearly defined.
How do you recognize a toxic relationship?
One toxic relationship, as described above, has many manifestations. Not everyone is the same, even if many symptoms are similar. In toxic relationships there is usually a very commitment-oriented partner who wants a lot of closeness and clings, explains Hamburg couples therapist and Parship expert Eric Hegmann.
On the other hand, there is a partner who is more afraid of commitment, who always withdraws and prefers the relationship to have more distance leads. Both continually reinforce each other’s behavioral patterns.
The constant imbalance between give and take or closeness and distance leads to arguments and constant stress that affects the mental health and can also have a long-term impact on the physical well-being of both partners, explains the couples therapist.
What are the physical and emotional symptoms of a toxic relationship?
The Body can serve as a mirror of what the subconscious has already perceived, but the mind has not. This also applies to toxic relationships, which can have both an emotional and physical impact on those affected:
Tiredness and exhaustion
A common symptom of a unhealthy relationship is the feeling of being constantly tired and exhausted. 86 percent of those surveyed in a Parship study from 2021 said that the toxic relationship robbed them of energy.
“Helplessness, sadness, shame or fear of being alone can increase the lack of motivation or even trigger depressive episodes,” says Hegmann. According to the expert, such stressful feelings can also trigger physical symptoms such as insomnia, eating disorders, but also somatic complaints.
Autoimmune diseases
One toxic environment Over time, it can also lead to autoimmune problems such as inflammation, body aches and skin reactions. American therapist Shannon Thomas told Insider magazine that 95 percent of patients who come to her practice for these problems are completely healthy.
It’s the toxic environment, the constant one Alertso as not to provoke an argument that leads to these physical complaints.
Constant stress
Toxic relationships can cause stress in a variety of ways. On the one hand, it can be that the partner constantly criticizes or devalues and thus puts the other person in the position Relationship makes small, explains Hegmann, citing the Parship study.
On the other hand, it could be that partner constantly complains or makes exaggerated demands. A lack of communication and empathy can also lead to stress.
What distinguishes a toxic relationship from a healthy one?
In every relationship there is a dynamic of closeness and distance, albeit to different degrees. In good relationships, partners can talk about it and find solutions. The emotional drama and the deep pain is avoided because there is regular communication at eye level.
In toxic relationships the climate of conversation is toxic and often characterized by linguistic violence and hatred.
Other signs of a toxic relationship include:
- You and the things you do are never good enough
- You wait in vain for an apology because your partner doesn’t admit mistakes or distorts them
- Emotionally, they often fluctuate between absolute trust and deep horror
- Your partner is increasingly isolating you from your family and friends
- You begin to doubt yourself and your own perception
What are the causes of a toxic relationship?
All relationships start with one symbiotic phase, in which connection and closeness are lived, explains couples therapist Eric Hegmann. However, most couples come out of this intense time after a few weeks, everyday life returns and they differentiate and develop further.
“In a toxic relationship, the couple or one person can no longer get out of this temporary phase of isolation,” says Hegmann. One is developing toxic addiction, in which one’s own needs are subordinated to those of one’s partner. This behavior is often due to low self-esteem.
Who is particularly vulnerable to toxic relationships?
According to couples therapist Eric Hegmann, people who have experienced emotional deprivation in their childhood and therefore only a minor one are particularly susceptible to toxic relationships self-esteem were able to develop.
“When they meet partners with avoidant attachment behavior that is characterized by autonomy and desires for exploration, they experience their withdrawal or desire for freedom as rejection,” explains Hegmann.
Even people who may be in a crisis, feeling lonely or simply afraid of being alone can tend to sacrifice themselves because of their toxic partner are dependent.
Psychologists also call this addictive behavior “traumatic bond”. The perpetrator sends his partner on a rollercoaster ride between punishment and, at times, strong affection if he “behaves”. A whole chaos arises in the body between high levels of stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol and the happiness hormone dopamine when the person affected is rewarded with affection.
Can you save a toxic relationship or can it go back to “normal”?
Change can only succeed if both partners want to work on themselves and the relationship and put this will into action. According to couples therapist Hegmann, an idea or inspiration of what a happy relationship could look like and who the partners want to be or become can help. An important aspect of the Couples therapy be it to be able to develop such a goal.
You should also avoid the term “toxic relationship” or “toxic partner“Avoid it, as it devalues the other person and can hinder the change process, advises Hegmann.
Instead, you should meet your partner on an equal footing and strive for change together. Helpful questions from the Couples therapy are: What would you like to change? Why hasn’t it worked so far? What have you already tried? What else can you learn to implement the change?
How do you end a toxic relationship?
“If a partner a toxic behavior shows and is not willing to change, it doesn’t help to continue to work on the relationship and hope that your partner will change for you,” says couples therapist Eric Hegmann. Then a separation is the better way, otherwise it could happen According to the expert, the dependency will become even stronger.
In cases of abuse Those affected often need support from outside in order to be able to separate. The nationwide “Sexual Abuse Help Portal” offers help and support for sexual violence against children and young people – on site, online or by telephone.