Kissing is essential to bond lovers. What does his absence hide from your companion?
According to an English study published by the British Heart Foundation, 18% of married couples sometimes go a week without kissing and 40% of them kiss furtively, for 5 seconds, with a clock in hand! If it is part of the love language, kissing can therefore tend to disappear over time, once the routine is established within the couple. Gold for psychologist and sexologist Pascal Anger, “Kissing is a sign of couple vitality. A kiss unites with another, provides pleasurethat of being together and showing each other that we are one.” If it is also the first step towards the sexual act, the kiss can therefore be a gesture at a time erotic and sensual. “Even if we have less sex, we must not neglect the kiss. It brings us closer and is part of the caresses and tenderness that we have within the couple.” adds the professional.
If the mouth and lips remain closed, what are we protecting?
If the partner no longer shows the desire to kiss on the mouth, we must try to understand why: “This does not necessarily mean that the couple is in danger, but we must question this lack of desire, especially if this absence weighs on the other,” observes Pascal Anger. “Perhaps we have the impression that things are taken for granted? If our mouth and lips remain closed, what are we protecting? What is it that we cannot protect? 'approach? Why does this proximity no longer exist? For the professional, several reasons can lead to no longer instigating this kiss:
- The fact of having been rejected several times by the other
- Fear of a disease like herpes
- After adultery, it is difficult to find oneself and therefore to kiss
- After a big argument, it's difficult to give a kiss and find the path back to rapprochement
- Routine, we look at each other less, we pay less attention to each other
“The kiss is a mark of attention and recognition of love “I leave you and I find you again through the kiss. You are the being that I love to kiss” comes to say it”, adds the therapist;
“It’s a barometer within the relationship”
As with any problem within a couple, it is communication that can defuse the situation. “We have to be able to express our needs, it’s essential. We have to be able to say that we miss it and that we have this need for union” advises the professional. Then, it is necessary gently restore these kissing rituals. It could be that the couple is not doing so well and that the complicity got a little lost over time. “The kiss must be accompanied by complicity, by moments together. be in sharing” underlines Pascal Anger. In his book “A vous le 7e ciel”, the sexologist doctor Gérard Leleu advises to “refine mouth-to-mouth”. “Do not rush with your tongue forward towards your friend's mouth. Take her neck in one hand. First caress her face, place kisses on her cheeks, her eyelids and on the corners of her lips on each side” he explains.
If the subject becomes too conflicting, and you don't see a way out, don't hesitate to turn to a couples therapist: “This is actually the first question I ask couples I see in consultation: “Do you kiss?” It is a barometer within the relationship. This question can also raise others and help to better understand why the partner does not want this intimacy.” concludes Pascal Anger.