If we look for a definition for friendship, we could describe it as a reciprocal sympathy that arises between people, and that makes them tend to look for each other in order to share time, leisure and intimacy. A definition, on the other hand, that fits very well with the idea of having a partner. How to resolve when your partner and friends don’t fit together?
To say that when one has taitantos years looking for different things than what you were looking for at twenty is not a great contribution. Although it is good to remember it, for example, when talking about those second parts that, contradicting the popular proverb, they can be very good in terms of love and relationship after a divorce.
They also apply to those who carry a “convinced bachelor” throughout their life, and it turns out that they suddenly appear one day with a partner to officially introduce her to society. In those cases, The presentations arouse almost more expectation among family and friends. than that third boyfriend that we all brought home promising that this time it was the definitive one.
Chemistry fails. Nothing to do?
With presentations come the value judgments of others, especially from our good friends and closest people, who usually find great pleasure in giving their opinion on these types of matters. They do it for our own good, of course, but when their verdict is not favorable to our new partner, we can find ourselves in a uncomfortable and difficult situation to resolve.
If your best friend and your new partner, for example, don’t agree, how do you explain that? The answer is that the sum of the factors sometimes does alter the product when it comes to people.
Even though you have known her for years, and you have shared everything for seasons, the reality is that, when it comes to looking for a partner, Every person is a world. In short: the fact that both of them love you madly independently It is not incompatible with them not getting along at all.
We look for our own reflection
One of the most frequent reasons for rejection or approval seems to be getting see something of yourself in others.
Psychologists talk about a tendency to feel attraction and friendship for those people who look like us, to the point that we already In the first thirty seconds we manage to make a first impression of the person through what their communication transmits to us, both verbal and non-verbal.
Especially through the latter, we obtain information that we believe is substantial and that conditions us towards a positive or negative predisposition that can be difficult to change.
Why reject our partner?
The reasons why your own friends may reject the person with whom you intend to spend most of your time may be very different, and may be due to reasons as diverse as jealousy, classism, or a simple lack of sociability.
However, the most common thing is that it is a combination of factors, together with an unconscious and collective boycott of your friends towards your partner. This will contribute to “put the cross on it”at the same time as plunging yourself into a sea of doubts from which, sometimes, the only way out is choosing between the two.
That, or making time sharing incompatible with both parties. In this election, the couple usually wins instead of the friends.
These are the most frequent reasons for rejection:
- Belonging to a different social sphere
- An unbalanced academic training regarding the group
- Racial or class prejudices on the part of friends
- Jealousy or envy of the group
- The place of residence and different place of origin
- His physical appearance
It may be a matter of time
Sometimes not liking each other or not connecting responds to a reason as simple as the not to be seen Never stay, or do it “from Easter to Palms” means not giving the opportunity to get to know each other enough so that there is a minimum of complicity between that new partner and friends.
Or, on the contrary, so that the time necessary to change your mind passesin the event that there has been a bad impression from the beginning.
Especially when the new love becomes an icon of estrangement with the friend, the establishing bonds of union between them will be an impossible mission, since you are trying to cultivate a friendship that, in reality, never emerged.
Very feminine behavior
Women are much more likely than men to disappear and to distance themselves from friends when they have a partner. Their distancing is, furthermore, for very long periods, and, during their absences, they are seen very occasionally, and always accompanied by “that stranger”, which now turns out to be the couple.
The normal thing is to move away
However, finding a partner is one of the most frequent reasons for moving away from the reference group. From a certain age Each person makes their life according to their own interests. Youth gangs end up becoming a sweet vestige of times long gone.
The academic group may last a little longer, but also within it, contacts become more and more distant, coinciding with the appearance of new friends, that are more compatible with each person’s current life.
It is worth reflecting
Over the years, the approval of others regarding our love choices has less and less specific weight in our criteria, to the point that Maybe it’s best to ignore it. Many times it is not so much about being liked or not liked, but about the couple becoming a reality in itself, which is independent of the group and, for this reason, He doesn’t fit in with his friends.
It is evident that a person It doesn’t have to be liked by everyone. Although we all seek social approval as a way to feel better about ourselves, what really makes us feel good is maintain a certain coherence with our way of being, thinking and behaving. This implies that it will not always be possible to satisfy all parties.
When the partner threatens the normality of our relationships, and means losing friends, it will be good to consider why is this situation occurring, and if it really pays off. At the end of the day, to be liked, the only thing you have to do is love others, listening to others with respect and empathy for their emotions.
In this sense, also the couple must consider their own social space so as not to make us contradict our values and emotional needs. Similarly, the good friend must respect our decision when choosing who to be with.
