“Everyone here knows that I’m going to cry for you, I’m going to miss you, yes. There is nothing to hide here,” writes Rauw Alejandro in Hayami Hana, the song that, as a farewell—and, a bit, a reckoning—the singer dedicates to his ex-partner Rosalía. His publication caught the world off guard a week ago; A few days later, the Puerto Rican deleted his images with the artist from the networks—perhaps he read our article?—and just a few days later, he surprised by publishing a small video with melancholic overtones in his Instagram stories in which you can see how he falls the rain over Tokyo.
Is the circle closed? After titling his latest release with two words in Japanese, which translate to something like ‘unique, beautiful and difficult to find flower’, Rauw Alejandro returns to one of the cities he traveled to with Rosalía, where she composed several of the songs from his latest album, with marked Japanese influences. It could be, of course, that the singer had matters to discuss in the capital, but also that – like so many of us have done before -, he is not yet ready to completely leave the relationship and therefore returns to the places where they were both. happy.
Now, is this a good idea from an emotional point of view? Respond from El Prado Psychologists: “The most advisable thing is to try to go to a place that, instead of awakening nostalgia for what was lost (such as a destination to which you have gone with your ex-partner), helps focus your mind on new things.” ideas, serving to broaden horizons.” Of course, there are exceptions. For example, it may be the place where you have spent your entire life vacationing, or a destination where your family lives or you have other important relationships.
In fact, as with almost everything in this life, the answer cannot be limited to a yes or no. “From a psychological point of view, going on a trip after a breakup can be a good or bad idea depending, fundamentally, on the emotional moment the person is going through,” these professionals summarize. “A couple breakup means entering into a grieving process, so traveling can help or end up bringing the person down.”
The acceptance phase of separation, the ideal time to go on a trip
In the opinion of the specialists at El Prado Psychologists, going on an adventure may not be advisable in the initial phase of a separation, since “the person usually sees the trip as a way to escape or deny what happened, in addition to falling into spirals of thoughts.” obsessive.” At that time, the most advisable thing is for those who have a broken heart to try to find “peace of mind in everyday life”, without making big changes or adding new responsibilities that could cause additional stress.
“However, once the person has overcome the stages of denial (not assuming what has happened), anger (with recurring thoughts of hostility and frustration towards the ex-partner) or negotiation (trying to recover the relationship at all costs) “It is more advisable to travel, as it can help get out of the depressive phase (pain from the loss) and encourage acceptance of the breakup.” Specifically, it can promote the processing of grief by rediscovering aspects of oneself that had been forgotten and opening oneself to other experiences.
From a psychological point of view, going on a trip after a breakup can be a good or bad idea depending, fundamentally, on the emotional moment the person is going through.
This is exactly the argument that opens films that have marked entire generations of women, such as Eat Pray Love (2010) or, before, Under the Tuscan Sun (2003). In both cases, a recently divorced young woman decides to set out into the world to explore different cultures, rediscover herself… and end up discovering new and dazzling romantic partners along the way. Basically, the ideal that some have in mind when undertaking such an adventure.
But it is better to come down from the clouds: “Although travel can have therapeutic value, it is important to have realistic expectations when traveling after a breakup: it is a way to recharge your batteries emotionally, not a transcendental trip. It is not sensible to think that a trip is going to change the emotional life of the person involved, whether it is stopping feeling sadness about the breakup, finding a new meaning in life or a new partner,” El Prado Psychologists point out.
“However, this trip can help you reconnect with aspects that you had forgotten and recover your enthusiasm, appreciating the present and reconnecting with yourself. Likewise, it can encourage resuming or establishing new relationships, overcoming nostalgia and lack of motivation towards social interactions after the breakup. On the other hand, the trip is a way to change the environment and do something different, perhaps unexpected, that helps reaffirm the perception of self-sufficiency that may have been damaged during the relationship or after separation.
This is what happened to Ignacio: when his girlfriend left him, he, who was in his thirties at the time, decided to leave everything. He sold his part of the company, left the apartment in which they both lived and headed to Mexico, where a friend was working. “I didn’t want to pay for the apartment myself and nothing tied me here,” he tells elDiario.es.
That newly inaugurated freedom offered him the possibility of spending months in a different country, far from everything he knew. This helped him reflect on what had happened and adopt changes that, finally, helped him articulate his new life.
It is not sensible to think that a trip is going to change the emotional life of the person involved, whether by stopping feeling sad about the breakup, finding a new meaning in life or a new partner.
Traveling comfortably, essential
Ignacio went with nothing more than a one-way ticket, but he wasn’t worried: he was used to moving around the world without plans. However, from El Prado Psychologists warn that it is important to travel comfortably, “avoiding possible sources of additional stress.”
That is, unless you have extensive experience as a backpacker, don’t leave with a sleeping bag in Nepal without a bed to cry in when the situation requires it. That’s why you shouldn’t spend too much planning: “It’s a good idea to ensure that the trip doesn’t become a series of regulated activities, as there may be times when the person feels more down and prefers to rest or take a break. Common sense must be used to differentiate what is a necessary rest to regain balance from a rest that is more harmful (because nostalgic) than beneficial.
You also have to take into account who you are traveling with if you do not want to face the journey alone. “It is important to try to make the trip with people who do not encourage nostalgia and emotional discomfort, either because they feed back into conversations about the ex-partner or because they are in the same emotional situation and pour out all their discomfort on the other.” One option may be to resort to so-called ‘trips to singles‘, for which different agencies unite groups of people who travel alone with similar interests and ages.
In this sense, perhaps it is best not to stray too far from what is known: “You have to take into account whether the person is used to traveling or not, for example, to organize it with more time or go in an organized group. It is also necessary to consider whether the person usually travels accompanied or alone, since radically changing the way they do so can be a source of stress and even be negative,” concludes El Prado Psychologists.